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There were tears in my eyes when I was typing the names of the signatories of the letter to Khatami. I was remembering all my friends who are now spread all around the world. It hit me hard when it again reminded me of the key question of whether I should stay here the rest of my life or not.
In summer 1999, when I left Iran for Canada, I was quite sure that I would go back when I finished my studies. I felt responsible to my homeland and my countrymen. Now, in summer 2003, I think more globally. No longer can I differentiate between people of Iran and people of Canada, or even Suriname. The borders that separate Iran and other countries are not more than a bunch of lines that some guys—most likely all stupid—once agreed upon. This is besides the fact that responsiblity now has a different meaning than it used to have in my mind.
Don't get me wrong. I am still quite sure that I will go back to Iran. But not because I feel responsible, just because I would like to!
I chose this picture because of lack of better picture! GHIAASE BE NAFS NAFARMAIID.
I have almost the same feeling.
and I was thinking about our parents that did return to Iran after revolution with the hope of making the country (or something like that). I don't know what I will do.
I need to feel responsible to go back. I really don't like to. Though I don't like it here that much either.
But I like it here, in Vancouver. I don't know about other places, but as I look around and see most things go along naturally, I can't help but unconsciously compare the situation with what I experienced in Iran. Ironically, I still feel responsible (in a broad sense) to Iran. Not because of what it did for me, which I most strongly wish it had not, but because of its desperate state and certain uncut personal strings, language one of them: though I don't have problems conversing in English, I still find it much easier, sometimes disturbing though it may be, to talk in Persian.
I also spent some time and went through all the names, a lot, very fammiliar. When you think of it, this is probably less than 10% of our classmates that are abroad. You realize we are a strange generation, the immigrating generation. The signatures in the letter, was an interesting documentation of this fact.
I don't believe in lands but people themselves are important to me and as much as I enjoy more freedom and convenience, there is always the feeling that I dont belong here. I would rather be with the people who share some common experience with me.
I got over that "responsibility" business when I was 17 and come to believe that we take actions and make decision in pursuit of pleasure and inner satisfaction. Even I tend to believe that there's no real "sacrifice", if you're doing something, you're doing it because you wanted to do it. And when it comes to choosing a place to live and work I'd rather be more honest with myself and don't get lost in "how can I serve the humanity best ?", "there's no real borders and we're all human beings", etc. In the end it all boils down to what I like.
And what does what you like boil down to, Iman?
By "not like it here that much either" I meant something like what Ghazal said. I have everything that I want (almost. I still want that BMW!). It's nothing close to what I even could wish in Iran. But still I don't feel OK to talk in Farsi, loudly in mall. Especially when I live in an all-white city that being a foreigner and having a non-New Englander accent is obvious.
I was materialist and selfish enough to overcome the "responsibility" part even when I was in Iran. I feel a little bit guilty though! May be some day it would come back.
Dear Babak,
As you might have guessed, right now I like to go to graduate school in America. As what I would like in a couple of years, I really don't know what I'm going to like in advance, but I can let you know when I come to it.
Iman, I was wondering WHY you like what you like. You won't tell me that your final building blocks of decisions are personal likes and dislikes, will you? Five years ago, I would just say that, but now I find it too existential. I can now dig up a bit deeper: language is one important factor, and I have personally had no say in that whatsoever. And there are more.